It's 4:00am on Saturday, and I haven't slept since midnight. After tossing and turning for ages, I finally gave up and came downstairs, started some laundry, and sat down at the computer to refine my Birthmother's Day address for church on Sunday.
Lying in bed, I kept going over in my head what I felt needed to be said on the topic, worried about not saying enough, maybe saying too much. I have to be sensitive to the fact that of the 75-100 people who will be in the sanctuary on Sunday morning, there will most likely be at least one or two mothers, and possibly fathers (more likely?) who have relinquished (although perhaps the fathers will be blind to the fact...oh boy, that's another post). I also want to be cognizant of the sensitive issues surrounding adoptive families, the infertility that may have led to the pursuit of adopting, the challenges of parenting a child not of your flesh, and (heaven forbid) the tragedy in some families of the adopted child not even knowing s/he was adopted.
Isn't it interesting that I feel compelled to be so ultra-cautious with my ten-minutes of mic time? As I begin to find my voice as a reunited adoptee, I am exquisitely aware of the importance of treading lightly in these new waters. I want to educate people on the issues surrounding adoption, relinquishment, and reunion, without scaring them away. If we can open the minds of our friends and neighbors, co-workers and carpool crews, then it's more likely to change laws, which must happen if we as adoptees are ever to truly be citizens on an equal footing in our society. This is important stuff, and I really don't want to screw it up, even on Sunday morning in my little church.
So I'll go over it again, fine-tuning until I feel comfortable with it. And if there is a birthmother sitting in the pews on Sunday, maybe she will find a bit of comfort knowing that her experience is being acknowledged, or perhaps someone will be curious and ask me why knowing where you come from is so important (as if there could be any question, but from those outside of the adoption community, I've had that question raised). I do know that I will feel better having talked about my own story. It's part of my own journey toward wholeness, one which truly began two years ago, interestingly enough, on Birthmother's Day.
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My calling in ministry is in the area of counseling persons with problems/bondages/feelings for which they have no answers. In LUKE 4:18 is the familiar passage of "setting the CAPTIVES free", which under-girds the whole ministry of Deliverance. Today I was looking at PROVERBS 23:22(last part) where it says "And do not despise your mother when she is old". Forgiveness of everybody for everything is the key that opens the door to true freedom. I have worked with hundreds of people and each one had some degree of unforgiveness and even bitterness in their hearts.
ReplyDeleteI suspect many adoptees are angry at the system in NC for denying acess to a legit birth certificate and possibly angry at being "kicked to the curb" by parents who, for whatever reasons, gave them up rather than take the godly route of being a responsible parent(s).It is understandable that anger would be present but I suggest that adoptees first of all make the choice to forgive. Doing this causes the Lord to open doors that otherwise may well stay shut. Personally I have had to forgive the bm for the situation with my niece 44 years ago. I could be bitter, unforgiving, angry...but that will never accomplish anything.
All adoptees: listen up ... forgive your bps, put anger out of your heart, let bitterness die. When I did this some time ago (I am not adopted, just searching ) doors opened in my search. It works. Forgive them! It is simply a choice to forgive, not an emotion. Forgive and watch God!